Defeat...

don't get me wrong, i love who i a, i lve my friends an family, but i hate the woorld at times.
the song oridenary girl by miley cyrus comes to mind;
Sometimes I'm lazy
I get bored
I get scared
I feel ignored
I feel happy, I get silly
I choke on my own words
I make wishes, I have Dreams
And I still want to believe
Anything can happen in this world,
For an ordinary girl..
its as if the world is turning its back, i am admiting defeat. defeat of what kind, i am unsure. but i am adiment its a form of deaft. lost in translastion. translation, of love; life; hate; everything!
i feel the need for something with dependence n me. 
a child?
a dog? 
i have the boyfrined of 9 and half months, and the friends,
the family,
but do i seek more.
am i just fearing, heartbrake-
                          --lonelyness--


Sleep,  that just leads to the strange endless dreams.
dreams of unreal possabiltys,
hopeless lve fades.
will this feeling be diognost. 
or forgetten. 
-- DEFEAT IS ACCEPTED --

Back to the beginning

I failed. completely. let down. today is the it is back to the beginning,
as i try again. try to reach perfect.
i want to get my tummy flatter, before the big jump next year.
- lipsulptue
            *thighs*
             *upper arms*
               *tummy*
-botux
-boob job.
and then, hair exstentions, acylic nails, spray tan, veneers, eye lash exstentions.
and then the real princess barbie, will walk.
she will stand tall.
eat small.
breath air.
smile.
laugh.
happy.
Perfect.
bones.
skinny.
thin. beautiful.

Day one, Week one;

day one;
food intake;
3/4 f tuna pasta pot. guessing around 250kcals.
3/4 southen fried chicken wrap. around 600kcals.
1 and 1/2 pork chops. 786kcals.
steammed veg.
jacket patato with butter and cheese.
Drink intake;
500ml bottle sprite.
pint of water.
i plurged tho, that was good.
it felt good.
it felt like a slice of heven.

Pro Ana

Pro Ana mia, Happend today.
it was beautiful,
the thought and feeling of it.
it just felt amazing,
like eatting chocolate or something nice
for the first time.
its amazing. keeping on strong.

Princess Barbie,
                  Stay Fake, Stay Blonde, Stay Skinny. HOTTNESS (:

the after dark thoughts.

England time (Portsmouht City) 1:19am Monday 28th March 2011.
I sit and look at the photos of those beautiful, stunning girls.
they all look so amazing,
Prefect tan,
Skinny,
perfect teeth,
Amazing hair,
beautiful wide eyes,
hot boyfriend,
how come they have everything.
yeah i have a boyfriend, he is amazing. and Friends that i would
die for,
but still, how come i carn't look like they do.
all i want is the perfect body.
I am one the way to get it.
I want to be around 120lbs. (8stone 8lbs)
I am 5"8, i have size 36E boobs, my dream look;
Long, dirty blonde hair,
perfect stright white teeth,
long nails,
skinny enough to see slight rips and hips,
i want 32E boobs,
i wanna be a size 6 or 8 jeans, and size 8 or 10 tops.
Thats what i want.
i want to be prefect,
how come i have to pay to be perfect,
and some girls get it for free.
thats just not fair.
i wish i wish, i had a different life.
i want to become the real life barbie !!!

Princess barbie,
       Stay Fake, Stay Blonde, Stay Skinny. HOTTNESS :)

Photograph2 the road to perfect.

the start of my road the perfect.